Breakups

Here I am, 10 days after celebrating our anniversary, and only 3 weeks into giving our relationship another chance, and my relationship is over. The breakup was completely necessary, and wasn't a surprise in the slightest.  But I feel better about it this time around.

The first time that Mike and I broke up, on the 4th of July, our relationship had simply fallen apart.  We both had big things going on in our lives, and we weren't happy.  Not necessarily with each other, but with life in general. But we were taking out our frustrations on each other, and our relationship.  We were apart for 6 weeks, and then decided to give it a second try.   I knew by the second day together that it wasn't going to work.  But I fought for it.  I love him, and for me, that was enough to try.

The problem, as it turned out, was that he wasn't as willing to try.  He complained that we fell into old habits, and turned right back into the couple that we were in June, when we were so unhappy.  I pointed out that things can't be different if you do the same things you did before, and I couldn't do all the work myself.  I tried, he did not.  He wasn't willing to stand up for me to his friends, and to justify that he wanted this relationship to work.

I was angry.  I yelled, and I blamed.  And then I broke down.  Because even though I was sure that it needed to end, and that we couldn't go forward like this, it doesn't change the fact that I am in love with him.  And since he is my first love, I will probably always have love for him. I wasn't as ready as I thought to let that go.   But I did.

I'm surprisingly ok today.  As much as it has sucked, I'm glad that the last few weeks happened.  I'm glad that we got back together, despite how horribly it ended.  I think it was able to give me the closure that was missing the first time around.  We just aren't meant to be together.

I had signed up for okcupid when we broke up the first time around.  I wasn't looking to jump into anything serious, just to put myself back out there.  I wouldn't be able to move on if I didn't try.  Well, after last nights breakup, I reactivated my account.  I want to go out and date, and enjoy being single.  I want to meet new people and try new things. I want to live my life to the fullest, and enjoy every minute.