It's worth it...

I've noticed lately that this is a phrase that has become a active player in my vocabulary.  I find myself justifying many of the things that I do, and even more so, the things I put myself through, but saying that in the end, it's worth it.  That the ends justify the means, and the reward outweighs the sacrifice.

But as I struggle to regain my footing, and take control of my life and my happiness, I am beginning to wonder just how much is "worth it."  I know that going to the gym regularly will better my health and well-being, despite my lack of a life during the work week, and being a little more tired in the mornings.  I know that weight watchers is teaching me better habits, and while I am sick of measuring and weighing food, and miss just opening a bag of chips and eating away, I know that I will be much happier in the long run, and that it is teaching me how to maintain a much healthier lifestyle.

But there are so many other things that I do that I am beginning to wonder if they really are worth it.  Relationships and activities that have always been present, but never been questioned.  These are the things that I do, and have always done, without much question to whether or not they are good for my own well-being.  I've always struggled with the balance of doing what I want to do, and what I have to do.

I know that there are things that I need to sit down and re-evaluate.  That itself is a big step.  But I wonder if I am strong enough to do something about it.  To cut out the unnecessary and negative, and focus only on the positive. I guess in a way I have done that, by ridding myself of my anxiety-ridden emotions, and focused on what I needed to do to be successful at that.

But regardless of anything else, I've come to realize that I am worth it.  And that's what I need to focus on right now.